I Calculated

Whatever I am doing today was part of calculations of my yesterday.
Carefully weighted pros and cons ..
For the decisions that I made..
Logic was the fabric on which I weaved my today..
It all made so much sense then
It all satisfied my cynic little brain
I made moves, I took decisions, I left certain options, And I chose some
This is better than that because of so and so..
I shall be good at that because of that and that..
It wont suit me as it has this and those ..
On and On I went ..To choose today

I have today now.Years have passed.I am X &; Y in the equation I created.
But those old logics no more fit.. I scratch my head when I look at this..
Assumptions of then no more hold..
Calculative me is frustrated when equations dont give out what they told..
But there is a strange peace beneath..
I am able to laugh at those stupid hopes..

Again I am not making any sense..
Forget above said nonsense
Blabbering of a confused mediocre they are

Let me go back to the struggle again.._)